An orange and white thread woven into my life, through the years of self formation. For a decade and a half, she was my companion. She was a bit of starlight dressed in fur. She had her routines, her rituals and her non negotiables.

Within a decade of sketchbooks, I found her portrait 3 times. She was there the whole while.

It has been three years since she left Earth, and four years since I left her in the care of my parents, who could provide for her in her elderly years, staying in the home she was accustomed to, an Only Cat.

When I left, I thought about her constantly, and especially before sleep. I felt the thread thug at me. She must miss me like I miss her. But she was safer there in the fragile older age. It would be disorienting to bring her to a new place with other cats, strangers to her.

I didn’t get to say goodbye, I couldn’t get there to pet her orange coat.

I’m still achy about it all, and I’m tender over it.

Something we lovers of pets carry, she was much more than a cat to me.

I remember her walking into my workspace one evening. She hollered her meow at me, repeating, staring with an insistent gaze until I put down my tools and followed her to the front porch. The concrete was warm, the evening golden. she sat down peacefully and looked at me from under lazy, heavy eyelids. Her green eyes glowed with wisdom as we soaked up the last of the day’s sunlight.

All that time this little being and I loved each other. And I wish I had drawn more portraits of her. I know there are some tucked away, and a thousand photos. But I can’t believe years went by by where I didn’t sketch her into my books. It’s not a sore spot, just a tender place where I still feel the echoes of a beauty winding her way through my life. And the higher power who puts cats and women together said ” You two will take care of each other, and your family will take care of the two of you when you can’t do that.”

Forever now, a marmalade and cream colored memory lives in my heart, full of spark like marigolds, golden evenings, sunny summer days with a mysterious smile and sweet plans unknown behind olive green eyes.